"Life Thru THE EYES OF A PANSY"

huh??

2006-09-21T01:44:00.000+08:00

Its this time of the year again where in 1982, today, at 2.37am, a cute little angel was born... 24 years has passed, and this cute little angel celebrates his birthday today.. well not exactly an angel now.. but still cute.. haha.. well ya... year after year, there is no more hype in celebrating birthdays... since my 21st till now... i prefer my birthdays to be of low profile.. remembered what a hassle it is to prepare a celebration, then decided that to make life easy for my family and frens to not prepare any major celebration.. at most out for a meal would do... well.. its nice that at 12 midnight itself, hp was flooded so was msn... haha.. felt kinda good.. the best was evelyn.. darn cute la... forgotten it was my b'dae.. mistook my msn nick as if i was sad.. hmm.. "thank you for ur well wishes" <==== sound sad?? anyway.. she decided to make up to me by "advertising" me on her blog. darn cute la... but i look kinda bad in the middle pix... i look like an addict haha..ANYWAY thanks to all... nice to have frens like u all... Thank God for pple like u all to make my life more interesting...

promise kept

2006-09-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

guess what.. i am actually keeping the promise of updating my blog.. well lots have happened.. finally SIM student week is over.. as usual RMIT booth wins... its getting boring... haha.. man i getting really involved in council.. well its time well spent IMO.. cant say the same for some "other" member hahaha.. so tiring.. spent like a total of around 15 hours at the booth (inclusive of set up time).. spending too much time on it?? maybe... Well take this opportunity to apologise to ANGIE!! sorry for splattering u with my showers of blessing..haha.. oops.. been really out of touch with the 2nd sem pple... so many things happened i dun even know.. probably skipped too much marketing.. haha.. DIE.. finance test 2moro... just skimmed my book once today.. supposed to go in depth.. prepared but not very confident.. must wake up early tomorrow to slog books liaoz.. iron out wat i unsure of.. haiz.. just to tired to pull myself out of bed to study.. anyway gotta sleep already.. eyes are closing.. and its like onli 9 plus la.. feel like a small kid once more.. sleep early early haha.. until the next entry.. CYA

wats new

2006-09-15T00:32:00.000+08:00

hey hey.. yep back to blog.. finally.. been blog surfing recently.. discovered that lots of pple are like putting down things that they wan.. since my birthday is coming ( since u read this u should know wat to do).. haha.. i will put down a list of ten.. Man coming out wif a list is hard..

1) iPod Nano ( 1 GB will do)
2) Pool Cue (hmm.. any type will do la)
3) CAR!! (if u can afford)
4) Cap (Black)
5) PSP
6) galfren ( haha!! )
7) $$$ ( only big denominations allowed (haha)
8) Handphone
9) more majong!!!
10) New Laptop..

hmm.. discovered that all the things i need are relatively expensive.. well these are the stuffs that i wan... but if too ex.. just send well wishes.. they are as nice as any pressie u can gif.. haha.. hmmm... suddenly thought that i very "xian shi".. so coincidenatlly that i blog when birthday is near... haha.. promise la... i promise i blog more.. from now onwards... I HOPE... anyway.. life has been CRAP!!!! too many projects.. too little time... i wanna relak.. but too many burdens weight down on Jonathan's shoulder... well wat to do.. opportunity cost of not working is studying... DIE!! bringing acc into blog.. wrong ar... well.. while i gather back wat is left of my sanity... bye... cya next entry...( hopefully is soon)..

occasional blog!! haha

2006-08-30T08:45:00.000+08:00

sorry people... can imgaine the amount of cobwebs and dust accumulated in my blog.. haha.. forgive me.. bogged down with projects and work.. sorry... well here to update my faithful readers (hope they still faithful).. well a brand new love has entered my life... frens say that its very obvious, hope that she feels it too.. i wan to tel her but she is pretty busy recently. with bash, project, assignments.. looking for the perfect opportunity to ask.. busy with work, studies, projects.. yes u heard me the heck care attutide is over.. need to concentrate on studies... namely coz i am not that young anymore.. haha... yes, jonathan actually thinks about the future.. sorry blogging in the morning b4 i go sch.. sorry dudes and dudettes.. gtg liaoz.. probably blog once more when i go to sch.. ciao!!

majong madness

2006-07-22T09:27:00.000+08:00

well finally caught up with m,y sleep.. played majong overnight on thursday.. was in good form.. won 82 bucks.. but went to sch in a damn shag form... discuss abit of thge marketing project to be enticed to play another round of majong... this time only won 3 bucks.. could have won 50 plus.. but during the last round i was a bit dazed liaoz.. keep putting cannon... so sleepy... shag ar... dunnot distub ok??

its been a long time...

2006-07-20T01:50:00.000+08:00

well.. i am back... someone also has ben complaining that my blog has been collecting dust.. truth of the matter is that i been too busy la.. with school, work and council.. of coz not forgetting DOTA as well as majong.. italy won the world cup.. man i feel disgusted... zidane left the world cup scene with a bang actually more of a butt... a head butt.. so many comments but nah keep them to myself just in case many italian fans are reading this outdated blog.. amidst all these stuffs that i have been busy, cant shake off the feeling that some relationships/friendships i have is slowly disintegrating.. esp those in sch.. i can literally see the bonds with some of lecture mates slowly breaking.. why?? why cant they see all of us as classmates rather than competitiors for grades.. this rift is slowly turning into chasm.. haiz... well sleepy now.. better take a rest.. oh by the way i am currently retaking my bloody license.. man i have to go thru basic all over again.. nightmare...

Sleepless in Singapore

2006-06-21T09:14:00.000+08:00

1 months since i have blogged. Many things happened. Sadly enough i failed my marketing. Need to repeat another sem. well sad is sad but still need to pick up self to carry on. havent been working since the world cup started. quite an exciting one this yr.. GO ARGENTINA!!!!! well nothing much has been happening.. well just to let u all know i am actually writing a novel.. just for the heck of it.. although some of ur names are in it.. it is purely fictional.. haha.. when and if my book get publish(in my dreams), u all would get royalties.. well stilling looking for the one true love.. beenlooking for it in all the wrong places.. what will i do to find it?? will some kind soul hook me up wif some cute gal with a nice heart.. haha.. back to blog more..

Life is good.. NOT!!!

2006-05-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i blogged.. been 11 days since exams finished and still busy.. busy with work.. well at least there is income.. so many things to do.. got to work.. got to attend council stuffs.. got work to bring home.. basically busy busy.. no time to enjnoy.. haiz.. no time to relax.. why?? funny isnt it that look forward to holidays when in sch..and looking forward to sch when in holidays.. i miss my frens.. haiz.. too reliant on them for entertainment.. haha joking la.. well wish me luck... need to work with lots of students liaoz.. cya

sadded

2006-05-04T18:21:00.000+08:00

haiz... this has turned into a bitching blog liaoz.. seems that i only update when something bad happens.. well.. today had my law exam.. probably i didnt prepare well or what..i feel that i screwed up this one big time... damn sad la... maybe didnt really feel pressured to study hard because of open book.. but haiz.. open book made it more diff lor... ARGH!! shall keep my fustration to the minimal.. but so nice that someone sweet messaged me out of the blue today.. really cheered me up.. thanks evelyn.. u too jia you hor.. back to blog some other time when i feel more 'upbeat'

WOw.. si bei amazing

2006-04-29T11:37:00.000+08:00

how funny and amazing is that people is willing to sacrifice time and effort for some frens and some are not just willing to put in any effort.. had a very interesting talk with lots people.. all give me the same response about him.. infact some of them is actually surprised that i am so patient wif his fucked up attitude problems over the past few years.. haha. at least i practice self control.. well.. it all happened on thursday when we are supposed to play majong at bryan's place.. eugene says he got no money.. so we said that we can owe or even just play for fun.. u know.. just spending time together.. people purposely take off.. i purposely go down so that we can spend time together.. but some people just didnt wan to come.. we called him at 1130.. to ask where he was.. he said he waiting for LK.. we waited.. we had lunch.. we called at 1430.. he said he playing CS at clementi.. i and bryan was like WTH.. u no $$$ to play wif us.. u got money for CS.. i tot nvm.. CS cheaper.. we headed down at 1530.. he was stll playing lor.. haiz.. being the nice guy i am.. i kept quiet.. bryan was like haiz... what a hypocrite.. nvm.... then the next thing was the one that broke my patuence.. he went to play billard.. farking iritated.. i not here to bitch about this.. i sent a mesage to him.. then he actually blamed me and judas for not planning properly.. we planned this for like 1 week.. nothing to say.. so blardy pissed.. then on fri met up with some other people from clementi.. from tfkc.. they heard from tong lum wat happened then ask me out.. i explained and they were like having the same sentiments.. thanks guys for the support at least u all know that he has an attitude prob..he can never be wrong.. only others... he can show pple attitude but pple cannot show him attitude.. haha... how ironic... i have always believed in the saying.. "Do to others what u wan others to do to u.." for him is the exact opposite.. he nice to him.. he show attitude.. haha.. cant be bothered la.. more impt things in life.. if spending time watching football is more important than spending time wif frens.. the so be it lor.. haha.. at least i got others... guys i would plan for other outings la. dun worry if he come or dun come, doesnt make much of a diff anyway.. he doesnt need us one..

P.S eugene aka despo if u where not happy.. next time i go down.. PLZ BEAT ME UP HOR>> I ITCHING FOR A FIGHT FOR A LONG TIME LIAOZ..

is this me?

2006-04-21T08:51:00.000+08:00

Green
You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

studying!!

2006-04-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

"i just love studying" says my deluded brain... well if u know me well enuff.. studying has always beem the last thing on my mind... well but what to do.. no degree = lousy pay job.. so suck thumb lor... now just taking a break and doing some surfing.. cant take too long.. will blog when i more free... cya...

mask??

2006-04-12T09:51:00.000+08:00

something wrong wif my either my blog or connection.. have to retype this blog!!! sianz.. argh!!! anyway here goes... had a relapse of the fever i have been having since saturday.. somemore weather so nice.. but have to wake up for both work and studies.. well.. started my day wif popping an aspirin.. it rained damn heavy la.. while slacking at home waiting for my "engine" to start up..i actually dozed off a few times... zzzzzzzzz.. hahah.. still managed to get myself ready for work by 1230 and i headed down to river valley... kinda nice to have my office so near MOS.. hopefully find one day to go in once more.. havent been clubbing for a long long time... met up wif another one of my colleague along the way.. i think his name is weijia.. kinda nice guy, abit reserved i think.. haha.. anyway headed to work, it was more of a training for the rainers, informing of what to do on the day itself when we go to acjc.. well i also revealed a bit of my crappiness for a while haha.. was kinda entertaining when they asked me to act like a jc student..( i was 1 of the 2 out of 13 or 14 that is not from jc la, see the irony).. when everything finished, called gear as she called me a few times during the training. She wanted to eat so from that moment i was both waiter and delivery boy.. man, food at liang court are freaking expensive la.. headed back to the clubhouse and studied with them.. finished about 9.30 pm.. headed home for just in time to have a conversation with one of my frens.. not really a conversation but a bitching sessio.. haha.. then we came to the topic of self, fren wanted to describe him.. so i went on and on.. then asked him to do likewise.. he did it in 2 statements... and with 2 statements he covered all ground... i felt so conned.. well the main jizz of it was that he said that i was someone who i not really am.. a man living behind a mask. may look cheery all the time, but one who really suffers in silence.. haha.. then i started to ponder on what was said.. strangely i began to think of "Phantom of the Opera".. hmmm.. am i like him?? well.. i havent been truthful to myself for a long time.. being someone who i am not to fit into the situation.. probably is because being my actual self is too confrontational.. so not very good.. looking for trouble.. a walking timebomb... so must swallow pride sometimes.. well...cant remember what else i wrote last night so until i remember i would update!!! haha

bored!!

2006-04-09T00:47:00.000+08:00

did a online survey questionnaire thingy.. its quite amazing that its scary.. i would say that its 85% correct.. and its only 2 questions... WOW.. anway here is my results

your Enneagram type is EIGHT.
"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me
Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Eight
being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Eight
overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
never forgetting injuries or injustices
putting too much pressure on myself
getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Eights as Children Often
are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
are sometimes loners
seize control so they won't be controlled
fugure out others' weaknesses
attack verbally or physically when provoked
take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents
are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
are sometimes overprotective
can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

haha.. for those who know me.. u can say that most of it are true.. ahha
anyway the webby is http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=12721960859055255705

find out what u are!! see whether it really works.. cya..

Trough

2006-04-08T01:53:00.000+08:00

i am at the trough of my life.. in case u dont know what trough is.. according to webster dictonary; A low point in a business cycle or on a statistical graph. well in this case its more of a low point in my life.. i beginning to question life in general.. is it just about problems being solved and re surfacing again.. or just a cycle whereby the theme is "screw up his life".. hmmm this has set me thinking.. what can i do about my life?? Get a job?? Get a Life?? Get a gal?? or get laid!! the last one sounds nice.. any volunteers?? anyway feels damn old while reminscing( not sure spelt correctly or not ) or reflecting back on my youth... a question my father has always asked me since i was 10.. WHAT HAVE U ACHIEVED... my response has been the same since then too.. 15 yrs of silence.. i am not sure whether am i in denial or just plain ignorant..but 15 yrs of silence is a bit too extreme dun u find it??well.. i am set on a path of change.. which brings me to another topic... what is change?? i like this defination a lecturer gave me.. the defination is change is constantly changing.. so what exactly is change?? well life is too short to sit down and think about change.. i wont just think about it.. i will do it.. I HOPE!! crap.. why am i thinking about all these stuffs at 2 am in the morning.. and so close to my exams... haha.. just to digress.. i think exams are like the keys to my mind.. they unlock lots of stuffs.. mainly i wold feel really low around exams coz it makes me think too much.. not that i dun think on the other days but.. thinking of wanting to achieve a certain standard or expectation makes me wanna think of the future.. not that i dun wanna plan.. just that i wanna enjoy at where i am now...the future holds too much unseen factors and dangers that i feel like i am dangled precariously over the cliff face of life.. haha .. being very graphical aint i.. but well "thats life.. make do wif" it is tagline that i have always used to psycho myself... well just felt like typing out how i feel.. now that is satisfied.. i wanna b!tch.. well everyone is not free and busy wif studies... who is willing to listen.. nah.. probably bore u to death with what i have to say... nitez... man that feels so much better..

not a hobby but a way of life

2006-04-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

u must be thinking from the heading and since its from Jonathan... PORN right?? u are way wrong.. its something very close to my heart and probably many others too.. MAJONG!!! well didnt really play alot, so not that good yet.. need lots of my basics haha.. for me i played only around 6 months and i can say that i am addicted to it... just that the pple i play wif are so damn freaking godlike la... now looking for more of other kakis.. for the sake of majong, no matter where the location I WILL GO!! haha.. but dun plAy too big la.. broke.. i can also say that majong is a good game for catching up wif pple.. just that it might not be so enjoyable when playing with serious players... my ideal way of playing majong is with close frens.. chatting, drinks, tidbits.. ample space to shake leg... haiz... MAJONG HEAVEN.. haha man i must be damn deluded and crazy to think of majong while preparing for exams... but my hands are trembling due to withdrawal and the expectations for holidays to come... when there are holidays means that people will be free... when people free i wont be so bored liaoz.. hahahahhaha... *please ignore the idiot talking* CYA!!

life has slowed down..

2006-04-02T10:32:00.000+08:00

Phew!!! my project is finally done... my assignment completed.. the pace of life has finaly slowed down dramatically from the past 2 weeks.. able to sleep in peace.. Just yesterday after completing my com law assignment, we (as in our click) went to eat at soup restaurant, the food is to die for, and watch ICE AGE 2.. its like so much better than the first one, with more scenes for the cute animal with the acorn.. haha.. literally laughing throughout the whole show and i laugh enough for 2 people... haha.. darn funny.. well can only relax for 2 or 3 days.. then must slug it out for exams.. haiz.. need to cut hair today coz got interview tomorrow.. anyway this truly is the only time i feel so relaxed in a long long time.. brb tonight to blog more...

I am Murdered..

2006-03-30T00:44:00.000+08:00

Projects are swords in disguise. stabbed in the heart, stabbed in the back in fact stabbed everywhere... coming out bruised and battered.. feel mentally hurt.. so sianz.. i HATE IT!! but cant justify the fact why am i studying if i hate it so much?? well now still busy project.. just decided to blog to B!tcH.. haha.. so fun

Shagedelic

2006-03-26T22:16:00.000+08:00

hi all.. its me once again.. 2day inli got 1 word to describe.. SHAG!!! started from last night i went to boat quay at 2am to celebrate my fren bday.. totally forgotten about it.. then was qute drunk.... 1/2 bottle of vodka in 30 mins is very siong la... anyway.. woke up at 7 am on a SUNDAY morning... normally i wake up at 12 for lunch on SUNDAY lor.. haiz.. went for SIMonopoly.. run all over CBD area, Chinatown, Tanjong Pagar.. damn shag.. so out of shape.. lucky my team quite co operative.. can talk and perform one.. haha.. any my team colour was PINK.. haiz.. so gay.. haha.. after everything i thought we more or less screwed up the game.. amazingly we got 3rd.. got a cash prize and medal.. then one of my member damn cute.. she say she never won medal b4... haha.. i tot i wanted to make a comment.. "Because i there ma" decided that i shouldnt spoil the mood.. overall i felt davin did a good job.. now its time to slug our project liaoz... 5 more days to deadline.. WE CAN DO IT!!!! damn shag... johnny needs sleep....

not aimless just misunderstood

2006-03-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

hi pple.. its me once more.. who were u expecting?? well 2 hours after my blog yesterday.. i had a very serious chat on msn with one of my frens.. probably she doesnt know what i am going thru.. i dun blame her.. the topic covered were quite direct.. hmm lets go thru the list...

1) no longer young
2) aimless?
3) pessimistic
4) confused
5) not know what to achieve in life
6) no longer motivated

i think that was all.. cant really remember all.. was working when the conversation happened.. when i can say that those are some of the things that i am feeling right now.. mainly i got my family problem... financial problem.. it was suppose to be a wake up call.. but i feel that i can only settle one thing at a time.. although God has given us 2 hands.. he only gave me 1 brain.. which means that i cant multi task.. well thats for me.. dun know bout others... aimless?? i dun think i am aimless.. if i am aimless i wouldnt even be working to repay the debts and fulfilling the obligations.. got so much commitment.. man this is not good.. actually losing sleep over this.. not eating well.. think will fall sick pretty soon.. so much pressure from school, from home, financially.. i feel like a thin pane of glass in a hurricane.. ready to crack and shatter into a thousand pieces.. not that i dun wan to get along wif life.. its because i am stuck due to circumstances and its not that i dun wanna get out.. the only way out is fulfill the committments.. call me stubborn or anything that u wan.. i dun care.. i just need to get this section of my burdens over and done wif.. sorry i sound angry and pissed.. which i am.. but u know me.. i dun stay angry for long.. but all i can say is THANK YOU for the care and concern.. i appreciate it.. although it came at the wrong time..

why is this happening to me??

2006-03-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

sorry for the delay in updating my blog recently, lots has been happening in life.. my malaysian family side has a major issue now... the oldest grandson is, my cousin, is giving my grandma a lot of problem... as usual monetary issues... its seems that money is truly the root of all evil in my family.. because of money, the serpent bites the hand that feeds it.. imagine my cousin was showered with so much love, that me and my brother was jealous.. he always got the best in life.. it was so bad that my auntie was talking to my grandma reminding her that we, the other cousins, exist... still she turn a deaf ear...now that it is known that its known that my grandma owes the bank quite a large sum of money.. guess who was the first to bail.. well almost everyone is doing their part to help.. even i am trying to help out.. taking up extra jobs while studying.. but someone is still out there in malaysia, happy wif his auditing job, getting paid well but not helping by much.. well he was not always like this.. i guess him getting married was the turning point in his life.. knew that it was pretty screwed when we normally hang out at pubs and chill wif frens when my or my bro is in malaysia.. bt since he married, even his frens says that he changed.. in fact i would say that he is controlled by the wife.. GUTLESS FUCK!!!! be a MAN.. do the RIGHT thing.. i even remembered him saying that he would never be like my 1st and 2nd uncle, disowning the family because of monetary issues when my grandpa passed away.. now he is becoming like him.. is it the curse of the LIM family?? its like i said i never want to be like my father, but i realised that i am turning more and more like him.. but for my case i am proud to be like him.. well.. all i can say that my malaysian family is a very disfunctional one.. all these problems plus those in school and my life... i am very stressed and sianz.. so many things to settle but so little time and even lesser resources.. but i believe that if i can weather out of this storm.. i can be a better man.. sorry that i last blogged a long time ago, but when i blog, i bitch about life... infact i need to look for people to bitch with.. ARGH!!! going crazy with my school work and my current work.... life is already so bad, it cant get worse.. i think.. lucky i might get another job soon.. going for interview next fri.. really hope i can get the job... wan to send money back to settle the OD problem.. haha... must jia you...

lost,confused,fustrated and STUCK!!

2006-03-13T19:15:00.000+08:00

what would u do when there is someone u like, but u dare not say being shy and afraid of rejection.. will u ignore all warning signals and carry on doing it.. might be either good or bad.. might lose a fren... not really losing a fren but wont it be awkward?? you know that both of u wont look at each other the same again... it happened to me once... i ignored all warning and went ahead... got reject without batting an eyelid.. couldnt talk to her like i used to... it feels funny.. dun know for her.. but for me.. it was like hell.. i wouldnt want to go thru it again.. but now once again, this problem has once again surfaced.. been holding back for very long already.. its bursting from within but i do not wan to suffer the loss of a fren.. what can i do?? i hope i can settle this situation asap.. my grades has suffered this sem.. i dun wan it to fall aymore..

almost there but not yet there

2006-03-09T20:01:00.000+08:00

i would say that this sem has passed me by like a rocket... less than a blink of an eye, its already march.. 1 more month till exams... well on the bright side i completed 3 test.. left with 1 test, 1 assignment and 1 project.. haiz... feeling that this sem could be disasterous.. but well have to work alot harder for the exam... haha..busy recently... need a life... been quite lifeless ever since i got into army.. dun know how to enjoy life liaoz... HELP!!!! haha.. anyway now study for my last test.. my accounts... should be able to breeze thru la... haha.. JIAYOU!!!

stress

2006-03-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

i wan to cry.. i wan to die!! so many test and deadlines in march.. basically everyweek got one test or deadline.. haiz... so sianz... so sorry for not updating my blog... will update when i free... haha... bye!!

ARGH!!

2006-02-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

nothing much has been happening to me since the last blog... really disappointed wif myself... i feel very lousy.. very very low.. basically no morale to do anything.. maybe just to DOTA.. but man.. sianz ar.. sat went out with the team.. Jeff totally spoil mood.. haiz... forget it la.. nothing good to say just shut up... why i feel so blardy lousy ar?? really have no idea lehz... totally want to study... the mind is willing but the body isnt.. HELP!!!!!!

thanks for Care & Concerns

2006-02-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

it has only been a few days that i last bloged but seriously it felt like weeks.. been thru a rough patch of life... but its very comforting to know that there are those that still care for me... the amazing thing is that all of them are gals.. just yesterday itself 4 of my classmates "checked" up on me.. knowing from one of the guys that i having some difficulties.. ho came over to swim wif matt.. then matt invited me to join them.. they were shocked to see me or should i say shocked to see my hair so short.. matt says i look like leonardo.. who the hell is he?? must clarify... then later in the evening miss yeo called my hp... haha... asked for help and along the way checked up on me... again i reassured her that i was ok.. i think.. haha... then gear msn me.. and i was kinda touched by the conversation that i had... who would have expected that i made a diff in someone's life.. haha... its so unlike me... i also like to apologise to evelyn.. always messaging me but i am unable to reply.. my thanks to all who cared.. just gimme some time and i would be back.. for ur concerns, i will promise to return..

DELUSION!!

2006-02-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

what is it with me and trouble.. i am like a magnet for it lor.. sianz.. dun wanna talk about it liaoz... its like when i settle a problem, another surfaces.. its not like i have nothing to do.. in fact i have lots to do.. now that i so financially constrainted.. i am actually looking for a job.. not those tuition ones but those per hour basis.. really need the cash.. been so financially drained this month.. its quite bad... but well... it was money well spent.. at least i can see happiness where it went.. but ya.. most of my troubles are related to money.. haiz... so its true that MAN can never live on happiness and morales alone.. i have been deluding myself all these year that being morale is more than ample for me to survive.. well.. i am gonna change my outlook of life.. but its gonna take sometime... well... wish me good luck...

Wonderful Weekend

2006-02-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

its has only been 4 days since i blogged and so many stuff has happened.. who says my life is boring needs to be slapped.. i will start from friday.. memories still fresh then.. haha... went for marketing lesson in the morning.. played tai di in the break.. bloody hell lost nearly 10 bucks.. then went over to evelyn's place to help her with her chalet stuffs.. she looks so stressed up... volunteered to help her in anyway possible.. haha.. i was her "coolie" for the day.. helped her check in and do the normal stuffs for chalet.. then came the BBQ.. so proud that i started the fire on 1st try.. but Eddie had to come to mess it up wif a bigger fire.. *respect for scouts* then i was also a bartender.. but one who only knows how to make a SCREWDRIVER.. haha.. was fun but had to go home early due to me being grounded sianz... sat... went for comm law class.. very very dry module.. haha.. then got ready for council initiation day.. was in the same ground as mat la.. haha.. never saw her run so fast b4.. came in as the 1st team but was kinda put off, as we didnt receive a certain sms.. so although we won, we did it the wrong way.. felt kinda bad.. then came a talk cock session.. it lasted almost up to 3.. headed home with the help of uncle davin..haha.. dropped me off at yishun to take cab home.. so nice of him... then i reached home to see my father waiting for me... and i tot my mum was naggy.. he irritated me so much that i did a few stoopid things la.. and ya.. i CUT my hair.. my semi long dark locks are now stripped of its length.. i feel so exposed.. haha.. so i cut my hair really short.. my uncle came to visit, and heard that he won some money in 4D.. how is it that everyone is getting windfall but me.. haiz.. not fair... went to pay respect to my long departed grandpa.. went to his grave and tears started to flow like the river nile... just in case u didnt know.. my grandpa was the one who wanted my mother to bring me to singapore to study, so basically without him, there would not have been a jonathan like me today.. i was sad.. could not control my sentiments for at least 30 mins.. then we chilled at my home... then we headed out for a dinner at turf city... laughed more than i could eat.. so filled with air lor... but it was fun.. we all talked about all the cousin from young till now... it was a walk down memory lane.. so fun!!! well this was a fun weekend, with its ups and sown, i proudly conclude my wonderful weekend.. thank you!!! oh by the way, i saw the gal of my dreams, wanted to tell her how i felt but seeing how happy she is at her current situation, i held my emotions to myself.. something in me is kicking myself in the butt for being such a loser.. but well, if she is happy at where she is, i can only wish her all the best and wish and pray for her to be happy.. as long she happy, i would be happy..

shopping.. WOW!!!

2006-02-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

haha.. received a call last night saying that i have a council interview today... haha.. went there for it today.. they put me in awkward position la... they asked me to briefly describe myself.. i dun know what to say.. so i gave them very vague details of self.. with no flair, just a simple me... which is a total bunch of bullshit.. haha... then they tell me that i gotta go for initiation day on sat and sun.. i already thinking on how to 'siam' liaoz.. but this one die die also must go.. so bo pianz... make up a story lor... what to do... at most i dun money next week.. whaahaha.. after that went shopping today.. its been a long time since i actually shopped, KINDA MISSED THAT FEELING... to0 bad i was not for myself... haha.. went out to get eve's pressie with darryl... imagine 2 guys stepping into a female accessories shop to get something for a gal... man it was damn gay la... esp with the conversation that we had... it has always been diff to shop a gift for gal.. hope she likes it.. then proceeded for dinner and home.. along the way, i stopped to get comics... haiz... needed to buy 3 comics.. well... who call me to be a comic fanatic... spent quite an amount for it... cryz (T_T)!!!! my father is still holding on to my phone lor.. damn irritated... he lazy to get his phone fixed.. says that he too busy.. if he cuts down on his golf time then the phone can fix liaoz lor.. got a feeling he gonna push the matter to me and ask me to bring his phone for fixing liaoz... haiz... who call me to be the youngest!!!! sure kanna saikang one... what to do... life is unfair.. deal wif i lor...

valentine day? more like black friday

2006-02-14T21:24:00.000+08:00

It could be fated that on 14th of Feb, also known as valentine's day, could be like a Friday 13th for me... i had test today, which i totally screwed up.. played majong.. i lost everything.. haha... basically almost everything didnt go my way... why is all this happening to me?? test i can understand... i didnt study everything and those i didnt study came out... u say i suay or not!!!but managed to spam!!!! so hopefully i get some correct!! today majong... haiz dun wanna say liaoz... my tiles like shit... nevermind.. i throw what i get what.. that even worse... haiz... that make up my sian valentine day... haiz... feel so bloody lazy now!!!!

start of a new beginning.. for a better tomorrow!!!

2006-02-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

hi all... its me again.. haha.. this will be just another boring entry.. many things has happened for the last 3 days.. most are not worth mentioning.. been really unhappy the last few days.. truly the end of the festive season yesterday did some good.. this CNY has been a CRAP holidays.. tons of unhappy things happened.. if this is how my lunar yr is about to start... i cant wait for it to end.. my astrologer fren told me that this would be a lousy yr for me.. i laughed in his face and now my belief in self has wavered after what has happened for the past 15 days... after the CNY has ended.. i feel kinda relieved.. headed to sch to study.. i have a test tomorrow.. TOMORROW!!!! ON V.day.. haizzzzz... i am already dateless.. but fate had to place more misery into my life by having me to go thru accounting test on v.day.. haizzzz... fate truly has a twisted sense of humour... *looks up into the sky and laughs* anyway was studying but as usual no mood... went for a cup of ice blended coffee in the food court.. for $1.50 per cup, its truly good shit... haha.. headed home sianz and started mugging books.. nothing is going in and info is leaking out.. haha.. anyway today i have decided to sleep early for the rest of yr.. i need beauty sleep... my eyes (my most attractive feature, most gals say) are now sunken and accompanied by eye bags... call me vain, i dun mind, but i need to pamper myself.. haha... no money for treatment so i do natural way.. SLEEPPPPZZZZZ... haha.. anyway nothing much to write and getting out of point liaoz... zzzzzzzzzzz.. need to wake up early tomorrow to cram more info in liaoz.. nightzzzz.... will try my best not to spoil the day for most couples... but it would be fun to see some pranks being played.. haha.. *must control self*.. cya!!!

WE WON!!! but i got grounded

2006-02-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

haha.. i played in an initial D match yesterday and i WON!!! woohoo... haha... been a long time since i won... went out to celebrate and drink at boat quay... went to qb qool.. haha meet some nice gals there... actually just one violent one.. haha.. the whole day was going nice.. till ii received a blardy phone call from my father saying that i am grounded... WTF!!! i am coming 24 tis yr and i am GROUNDED!!!! this is something new... reason being that i have spending too much time out.. well its true.. but still ME GROUNDED... well.. as i am in a bad finanical state i cant argue wif my father.. HE THREATENED TO CUT MY ALLOWANCE IF I WERE TO GO OUT PAST 11PM... man he is cruel... everyone knows that life truly happens past midnite... argh!!!! haiz.. but i think i would have to forgo next week allowance.. promised eve that i would go for her chalet.. not planning to break that promise.. haha... welll... screw the allowance.. maybe i just cut back on my spending, go out less... woohoo i might just even lose weight.. haha.. now that is positive thinking even in midst of a crisis or problem.. haha.. well today i went over to my grandma's place to celebrate my cousin's bdae.. haha.. 21 liao.. then the ultimate thing happen.. made me totally PISSED!!! my father's phone suddenly gave him problems.. he just came to me... "JON PASS ME UR PHONE!!! I NEED IT FOR MY BUSINESS TRIP.. USE BACK UR OLD PHONE" i was like WTH!!!! this phone i bought myself and he is like wanting to use it... its the personal property of JONATHAN LIM KOK CHONG!!!... but no!!!! my new motorola phone is the one u had to use... why cant use mum's phone.. she doesnt use it anyway... FUCK MAN!!! damn pissed.. if not for my current state, i wouldnt even considered staying home... i would rather move out... just have to swallow my pride.. ARGH!!!!!!!

Sappiness redefined

2006-02-09T09:16:00.000+08:00

haha.. ever since when i heard the bad news... everytime i on my mp3 player and put random... all the sad sad sappy love songs would just go on and on.. imagine for almost 3 hours of random music its all sad.. its like the laptop is a total reflection of my inner being... haha.. anyway was seeing the advert for "FRIENDS".. really enjoy the defination of the letters of L.O.V.E...this is some of mine and theirs.. L is for life, for what is life without love... O is for Oh wow, its that special feeling when love strikes you... V is for that very special turns of events..these are the things that would not have happened if u were single, things u sacrifice and forgo for that someone special.. and E is that extremely lovable feeling where u are on cloud 9... welll... its been a long time.. long long time.. but well maybe its not meant to be.. but maybe i am meant to be more of a wolf.. a solitary creature.. one who is hoping to find a soulmate that will last for his life...

its my life..

2006-02-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

haiz... morning class.. i hate morning classes... have to wake up so early.. for the 1st time in my life i can actually see my eye bags.. argh!!! man i feel so vain.. but i am normally one that also gets my beauty sleep.. but haiz.. recently caught up wif a dying fad.. DOTA.. haha... found a renewed passion for the game.. started a noob... now still noob.. haha... oh and btw.. i am sick of being a mediator or the middleman already.. some people have been coming to me to settle some stuffs between a few parties... i dun need anything in return in fact i was happy to help my frens.. but one just had to irritate me.. me trying to help him out... he get into worse trouble and expect to bail him out... remember.. i dun wish to say this... but i had a hand in making who u r right now.. u better treat me with the proper respect.. i am no longer the stepping stone for u... sorry that i have say all of these.. but its really too much.. i hook u up and u treat me like shit!!! haiz... enuff of the unhappy and angry stuffs... making me no mood to blog any further.. man i am letting it affect me too much.. @SS!!!

i need an answer

2006-02-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

sorry pple.. long time never blogged liaoz.. either too busy or wasted.. haha.. and a little factor of laziness also played a part.. well CNY has not been anything out of the blue.. cept my grandma, auntie and my mum struck 4D 1st prize.. 1706.. well.. its my grandpa tombstone number.. well i guess it was his way of giving the family "ang pow".. been thinking thru some stuffs.. i have finally confirmed that life is a vicious cycle.. coz something is now happening to me which happened last sem.. it didnt ended well.. it still leaves a bad taste and impression within my life.. now that i am placed in the crossroads once again.. i am literally stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.. i dun know wat to do.. to do it means i may lose a close fren.. not to do it means i may lose someone close to my heart.. really at a loss.. but i more or les know the outcome.. now its just a matter of time before the inevitable happens.. before the situations explodes in my face.. i feel so lost.. i need coffee therapy .. haiz... i wonder.. who will really be there for me?? i truly wonder..

CNY!!

2006-01-31T01:58:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i blogged.. haha missed me?? well i will try to recap how i spent my time..

FRIDAY

went to school for marketing class.. damn sian lor.. my class finished suppose to finish at 1230.. but i need to leave the country at 1300.. sianz.. then halfway i skipped liaoz.. had breakfast with darryl at clementi market.. then rushed home to settle my luggage.. then off we went to malaysia.. instead of heading home, we went to my aunt'splace 1st as it ws closer to the restaurant for the reunion dinner.. we talked bout lots of stuffs.. mainly about the family and the shit that we are going thru..what a bummer.. had a delicious meal then headed home.. haha.. then my grandma wanted to gamble with me and my bro.. being the good grand sons that we were.. we happily obliged.. but haiz.. lady luck has not been with me.. i lost nearly RM 60 lor.. then we chatted with my cousin till around 2 am... then KUN!!!

Saturday

woke up at 10 am to head to bukit bintang (malaysia's orchard road) for some last min shopping.. didnt even spend a cent lor.. but my bro bought lots of movies to watch.. kool.. then we had steamboat back home.. then my aunt jokingly complained that they never have good food until we come back from Singapore.. my grandma truly dotes on us.. haha.. well.. while waiting for CNY to pass.. my grandma gave my a belated birthday present that she forgot to pass me.. she gave me a gold ring.. an exact replica of one that i lost 5 yrs back in malaysia.. i was so happy.. then CNY came while i was watch "memoirs of a geisha".. i took a break and headed out to the garden to enjoy the fireworks at the china embassy.. just in case u didnt know.. the house is less than 200m away form the embassy.. i can literally say that the night ended with a bang..

Sunday

WOot!! CNY is here.. i can meet all my frens and distant relatives.. then my fave uncle came.. UNCLE RONNIE... he is a very close secondary school fren of my father.. and ya..he also had a hand of watching me grow up.. he also had a surprise for me.. he brought a niece of his that i knew when he came to SIngapore.. haha.. man she is foxy esp for someone at the age of 18.. and he tried to pair me up with her.. haha.. THERE IS A GOD.. but well she'a little young.. haha.. but i have to say that this year the new year crowd has mellowed down a lot.. not so noisy and not all came.. i wonder..

Monday

we left at around 9 am back to singapore.. and we reached around 2 pm.. headed to a relative's house and then headed to my grandma house(mother's side).. i really enjoy going there.. it is there that i am treated with respect and almost an equal to all my uncles.. haha.. we gambled blackjack and big 2.. for someone borne in the yr of the dog, i am damn suay la.. lost S$200 liaoz.. this yr i not going to gamble liaoz.. well i just finished hanging out with everyone and now i am lying on my bed writing this blog entry.. there is also lots of other hilarious incidents that happened.. for more info.. call me.. haha lazy to typr it in.. LOL!! okok.. good night

unusual day

2006-01-25T23:13:00.000+08:00

for a day that i dun really need to wake up early.. i woke up relatively early.. got awoken by a sweet message sent by Eve.. haha.. then 1 min later.. Ho called to wake me up for swimming... argh!!! totally forgotten about it... damn!! been a long time since i exercised in the morning.. dragged myself out of bed to head to Jurong east stadium.. then we swam... i am so ashamed of myself.. i used to be part of the school swim team and i suckz at it now la... cant even keep up with her speed.. and i was panting at the end of just 5 lapz.. but managed to push myself to a total of 20 laps and we chilled around in the water theme park.. haha.. then we had lunch.. yummy... just had hokkien mee.. and i was so tired.. i headed home..i dropped like a log and slept like one too.. "TIMBERRRR!!!" woke up to eat dinner wif parents.. then we had a talk.. man.. just before CNY i just had to know that we are not doing so well... haiz... looks like i need a job asap... man this truly has been an unusual day.. everything that i excepted to happen has yet to come.. man that gotta suck..

bor3dom

2006-01-23T23:04:00.000+08:00

today is ultim4te "sianz"sation.. woke up damn early la.. for what i also dun know.. dun even have class lor.. haiz.. then rot a while, enjoy my new tv.. man i love anime.. SAMURAI 7 is darn good man.. then went back to sleep at around 11am.. then of all things to happen.. there was renovation work at 11.10 am.. argh!!!! cant a man get some decent sleep.. damn irritated and grouchy.. went to JP to do some jeans shopping.. haha... went to play HOTD 4.. haha.. like shooting games with sub machine guns.. but they dun make zombies like b4 liaoz.. all so hard to kill.. then got myself 2 pairs of jeans.. settled my phone thingy.. and played Initial D.. haha.. i like JP.. lots of challengers.. better than playing against computer.. then went jalan jalan at pasar malam... then headed home to do some spring cleaning.. man now then i realised that half of my room is actually junk.. my room look very bare without all the junk la.. need to get myself a beanie couch.. haha... then i wont sleep on bed liaoz... haha.. so happy... very soon i need to change my closet liaoz.. a sense of achievement.. change all my clothing sizes liaoz... of coz it has turned smaller... hmmm.. swimming does really help.. well that also makes me very tired also...

shopz shopz..

2006-01-22T22:23:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since i went shopping with my parents.. and i remember why... regretted.. but what to do.. me lacking of cash and me wanting new clothes.. but man was it worth the humilation?? whats with them and current fashion.. they complain my hair is long and look like gals.. but i saw my father's old pictures.. his was like the curtain fashion la.. fringe so long that cant see eyes... and its operates like a curtain la.. center parting and stuff.. but noooo.. they say that i am not responsible to choose my hair.. they still treating me like a kid la... ya.. i would always be a kid in their eyes.. but shouldnt there be a limit?? today they say that i look like a hooligan/ ah beng when i dun tuck in... u check with fashion nowadays... who actually tucks in.. haiz.. damn irritated.. but managed to do my own shopping.. but haiz.. they really kill my passion for shopping... and remind me again never go shopping with my parents again... i feel sorry for myself today man.. but desperate time calls for desperate measures.. time to swallow pride.. esp when i low on cash.. haha.. nitez

amazing!!

2006-01-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

today i went for class in the morning and amazingly i understand the lecture even though i didnt really pay attention for the whole of last week.. haha.. amazing... instead of listening of lecture... gear, darryl, kenneth and i were debating on where to eat.. haha i think we were quite loud.. the pple were looking at us.. haha...in the end we ended eating at clementi again.. ahaha.. at least we stayed away from the market.. had a good talk with the marketing project group and gear.. what was funny was how jealous darryl was when a cat got more love and attention than him lor.. haha.. literally laughing my ass off.. then we played pool.. man i rock.. my 1st game and i beat davin.. probably the table quality wasnt that good.. but i beat DAVIN lehz.. the player that taught me and darryl how to place shots for pool.. haha.. i amazed my self.. lost once to darryl and beat darryl again 3 -1 in a race to 3 rack.. haha.. once again i amazed myself.. then i hanged around waiting for mingz.. haha then his gf gave him problems.. haiz.. kidz nowadays so violent.. just a slight provokation.. wanna use violence.. when would these pple know that violence dun solve anything.. they not that young lor.. 20 yrs old if i am correct.. haha.. maybe i learnt from my many lessons in the past.. i am a lover no longer a fighter.. haha.. peace out..

expectations??? what expectations..

2006-01-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

what do u expect in life and what do u hope to achieve?? someone asked me today.. there was so many things i wanted to say and believe it or not.. money was the last thing in my mind.. well i went with gear to WBG.. haha.. never though i would say this, i wouldnt mind joining for the training workshops.. they look pretty impressive haha.. maybe if i excel i might wan to join the global speaker team.. haha.. well that was just for thought.. had a great dinner though.. had sushi wif gear.. haha.. either my stomach has shrunk or dun mess wif gear when she has a craving for a certain food... she ate just as much as me la.. haha.. we talked bout lots of stuff.. these type of sessions are the ones that i missed since last sem.. must have more of these.. would have been better if we had another chill session with darryl, gear and matt.. the 4 pple who can talk and talk non stop with just about anything... man i miss those sesssions... well now everyone busy with their own stuffs... gear with her WBG, matt with her job at HP, darryl with his job and me idling around.. haha.. must have another talk cock session.. perferably those that last thru the nightz... haha.. anyway me now tired.. goodnitez.. seriously, i hope i can dream of an answer of what i wanna achieve in life, must have a vision.. haha

lousy week

2006-01-15T16:49:00.000+08:00

man this has been a lousy week... basically for me whatever that could have gone wrong.. went wrong.. felt so low this week.. i now also know how a part time coolie feels like.. haha.. when sat came, i tot i was gonna be spared.. but noooooo.. something has to happen just to spoil my day.. seriously i would never look myself the same ever again.. been quite grouchy recently.. could be because i am not sleeping properly?? well sunday is my sleeping day.. at 5pm., i have only been awake for 2 hours.. hmmm.. i feel like a (^(oo)^)... and also i am now confirmed a "people" people.. what i mean is that although i can be happy or sad personally.. my mood is easily affected by the people around me.. so u wanna know the mood of the people around me.. just look at me. hahaha i sound so attention seeking.. but i am not k??

have i been a friend??

2006-01-11T21:39:00.000+08:00

today has been quite a "cock" up day.. man.. i am sorry to the many friends that i already dissappointed in this new year.. i have already dissappointed 2 of my close frens.. 1 unintentionally(being real insensitive) and another misunderstood me..(it was supposed to be with good intention).. well i have already apologised and i know its not enuff.. i have to really watch i say from now on.. i feel damn miserable la.. i have been unintentionally hurting friends with what i say.. as what my msn message says.. "to some of u frens.. i have not been meeting ur expectation as a fren.. i am sorry.." with that said.. once more i am sorry.. plz be frank with me if i have offended u.. will greatly appreciate it.. thanks.. sorry that i have to blog something sad.. i promise i try to maintain a happy lifestyle..

haha... the gal of my dreams

2006-01-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

today i saw the gal of my dreams... this gal made my heart beat faster and slower at the same time( sounds like heart seizure.. haha).. i never thought i would feel like this ever... i saw her... she flashed her smile and i melted... her name is JESSICA ALBA.. haha.. well.. just came back from swimming.. been swimming a lot lately.. for what reason i have no freaking idea.. maybe i just need an outlet for all my boredom and irritation.. haha.. discovered that i need $$$ for my textbooks.. argh!! i am already poor enough as i am.. now there are textbooks to be bought... haiz... i looked out of my window today.. guess what i saw.. yep u got it.. RAIN!!! i actually went out for a walk in the rain.. really enjoyed it.. it felt really refreshing.. for a moment i did not have a care in the world except just to enjoy nature.. hope that i dun fall sick.. basically i just slacked my way thru this holiday other than a lunch appointment wif my uncle.. feels good.. haha.. okok.. me need to rest now... got morning class tomorrow.. must jia you..

whats happening????

2006-01-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

hi.. its me again.. monday blues is an understatement .. i never felt so sian in my life.. with stuffs happening to me .. it feels like 3 mths back all over again.. i begin to see a pattern forming in my life... its not very good.. a close fren just shared this with me

"Love burns the brightest, but the brightest flames leave the deepest scars..."

after hearing this, i fell into deep thought.. i feel very scarred.. been cut and burnt in the early days of my life.. so much so that i now have no more confidence that i would love once more.. i would like to experience the feeling to love someone and in turn be loved.. as i always tell my other frens that its always a good feeling to be wanted and loved..

am i an ass?

2006-01-09T08:36:00.000+08:00

hi pple.. i know i dun usually have a habit to blog in the early morning.. but was thinking of stuffs then i decided to do this.. i am going to make a public apology for the things i did wrong over the weekend.. "I am sorry that i did all those insensitive things or said any idiotic stuff, i have to admit that i havent been myself and did not keep myself in check. Once again i apologise". I would want to make up to u all sometime this week.. so dont be surprise if i ask u all for a meeting sometime this week or maybe the next.. and thanks for being frank with me..

rainy days makes me cry??

2006-01-08T21:10:00.000+08:00

haiz... finally back... the electricity is back.. i now know how dependant my life is on technology.. well when i was at home.. i looked out of the window.. raindrops.. drip drip drop drop.. i really like to stay under the rain.. its a thing that i enjoy.. its vey symbolic for me.. i feel the water flowing over me and i truly enjoy it.. then i started thinking about stuffs.. i starting to not feel confident in my life.. i feel sad.. when i was looking at the rain.. suddenly i cried.. not those type of breaking down crying.. just those that u suddenly feel sorry for urself and tears suddenly flow.. but recovered it was just a a moment thingy.. haha.. dun worry i m not in depression..haha.. well then my uncle came over.. just to drop in.. this uncle of mine looked after me sincei was like 6.. more of my role model.. well.. now gonna blog off liaoz.. i now watching a comedy.. harrold and kumar: journey to white castle.. man its hilarious.. cya pple.. (^(00)^)

fun nite out.. haha

2006-01-08T13:06:00.000+08:00

yoyo check it out...we went to KBox for a session of singing... haiz.. i can finally deduce that i am totally tone deaf.. and i cant sing even if my life depended on it.. haha.. met new frens.. cool people.. my type of click.. haha.. well i feel that i have deviated from my group of frens in school.. haha.. well must try to balance liaoz..lol.. something has been bugging my mind recently.. its quite distracting.. OH man... wth.. my house blacked out when i typing this blog.. sianz... well i go settle my things.. will be back tonight to carry on blogging.. cya...sorry gear.. i had to cancel the talk with u... well.. my father wans me to be home to settle the electricity... argh!!!!! i hate when things bug me.. bye!!!

sleepless in Singapore

2006-01-07T05:03:00.000+08:00

hiz.. its 4 am in the morning and here i am.. dong absolutely nothing.. why am i losing sleep.. it;s not that i have a lot on my mind.. but well its also not like i have nothing on my mind either.. but this type of issues usually does not make me lose sleep.. unless i have changed.. changed for the better or worse leh?? i dun know.. been thinking too much since the new year started.. onli 1 week into the new yr and i am already losing sleepp.. not very good lor.. still got 358 days to go to the end of the 2006.. haiz.. i think i will stay awake and meditate on the sitation maybe enlightenment would hit me and i see the "light". well blogging off liaoz.. cya..

so tiredz

2006-01-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

i feel like crying... its has been a long time since i woke up early on sat morning lor.. i got law class sianz.. 1st lesson for it some more.. anyway i just finished swimming.. planning to swim whenever i free.. need to lose some unwanted blubber to look *ahem* better.. haha so that i may have better prospects.. well so tired.. non stop 20 laps.. well cant swim like i used to in sec sch.. but still can swim reasonably fast.. haha... so bored.. economics is one of the most sian subjects ever surface in this world.. haiz.. anyway i got a brand new phone.. well not exactly brand new but good enough.. haha.. motorola razer.. not the pink one.. that would have been too gay.. lol.. now just playing wif it.. who can teach me to use it effectively plzzz.. haha.. now just slacking in front of the tv... well.. cya.. been quite an uneventful day.. haha.. plz make it eventful tomorrow..

lost and confused??

2006-01-06T01:28:00.001+08:00

haiz.. why am i now feelong so sianz?? what was the reason that i left?? was it the leadership or is it just me just trying to blame something else.. well i really dun know.. although the answer that i gave came from my heart.. ur response made me doubt whether it was true, made me think whether there is some underlying reason that i dun know of.. haiz.. well we wold carry on the conversation some other time.. welll.. there was a up side to my stupid day.. i finally can keep up in my economic class haha.. its all coming back to me now... and the amazing thing was that i could snatch some time to sleep and still pay attention.. i think i am fabulous.. (fantastic has already been taken up by davin) well its has been 5th day into the new yr and out of those 5 days.. i have been playing pool in 4 of them.. haha.. am i addicted to pool?? i dun think so.. but i can see myself improving.. not much but still improving.. here i am 1.35 am.. tossing and turning around.. waiting to call back eve.. she eating maggi mee lor.. called her back 5 mins ago never pick up.. must be enjoying too much to remember me.. well here i am still waiting for her call.. haha.. wont be waiting too long.... reading an interesting book.. will review it soon.. cya.. penning off liaoz

1st day of school all over again..

2006-01-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

good evening ladies and gentlemen.. how are u all today?? man utd has been quite a letdown.. attack attack attack with no results.. but the sole consolation is that they make aresnal attack look insignificant.. haha.. sorry asrenal fans..well today is finally the 1st day of school that i dreaded for it to come.. quite ok.. went for economics class.. totally catch no ball.. how?? my work doubly hard liaoz.. had lunch with eve.. haha.. dun know why.. she is pretty interesting (in a good way)to be wif.. haha.. entertaining to say the least. haha paisei if u are reading this.. its a good thing.. haha.. well.. i am looking for job kang tao.. very poor man now ..
willing to dirty hands. so if got any job manual labour or any lobang.. plz contact me.. anyway met up wif lots of frens today.. missed them so much.. chatted more than listening in leture.. but i was so tired.. woke up in the wee hours just to see a soccer match.. PASSION FOR THE GAME!!! looking forward to tomorrow. dun know why.. but it seems that when sch started... i been very cheerful.. not the boring self in the holidays.. could be the too much time spent in self reflection.. but those sessions have been good.. i just remembered why i looking forward for tomorrow.. i can collect $$. haha.. no wonder so happy.. i have to admit that i am pretty obsessed with money.. i believe that money cant buy happiness but it sure can provide good entertainment.. haha (not those type, dun think crooked).. oh ya.. today met wif some of the "juniors" during the orientation.. and yes i am know as the "si buei eh"(literally mean dead fat one).. but i think they cant call me that soon.. now i am sure i have lost weight.. not much but its a start.. they nver see me for 7 days and they see the diff liaoz.. haha.. so happy.. haha.. better not float too high.. must maintain liaoz.. but too lazy to workout.. i need a partner to workput.. be it swimming, jogging or maybe badminton.. hmmm.. soccer also can. anything that can make me workout can liaoz.. okok.. me go kun liaoz... a goodnight sleep can improve complexion and help wif weight loss.. this was something new that i learnt today.. haha... nitez... muackz... (ewwwwwwwwwww feel so gay)..

Start of the sem??

2006-01-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA!!! First day of school for many... first day for work for many too.. today morning have to go school to settle the school fees.. i mean what the hell... i passed the money to my mother hoping that she help me send a cheque.. but nooooooooo... she forgotten and i have to go to school!! man so tired.. went to school and settled my bills... i miss school but the moment i stepped into school... i missed holidays.. argh!!! in a bloody sian state la.. so many has already happened and its only the beginning of a new year.. 3rd day only lehz.. but anyway life has also have changed for the better.. i have made peace at myself and finally my self-esteem is back.. i am ready to face the world and whatever it dishes out.. so watch out world i am ready for u.. haha... but whatever good i have felt there is also a downside also.. i wont want to talk about.. so ya.. blogging off liaoz... very very tired only got 3hrs of sleep.. but i dun think i sleep so early.. need to catch up wif some of my frebs.. haha... nitez... remember.. for those who know me, my phone is on 24 hours.. call me if u r bored.. would be glad to hear ur voice...

gosh... i need a life

2006-01-03T04:49:00.000+08:00

hey its 5am in the morning and i am still awake.. kaoz.. that is so sad la.. lots of things on my mind recently.. settling issues of the heart.. meeting new frens..on the whole the new yr has been quite good.. till i heard that a fren's fren.. whom i saw a few time past away.. god bless his soul..how can someone so young have heart attack... hmm.. lets not talk bout sad stuff.. nothing much happened to cept my mother actuallt forgotten to send in the cheque for my school fees and the deadline is actually today... still thought that i could slack tomorrow off..when also good.. been staying home too much.. feels like i outstayed the welcome.. well i strongly feel that its time that i should lose weight.. make yself feel good... and hopefully look good too.. haha.. finally feeling sleepy liaoz.. blog off 1st then carry on tonight.. nitez or should i say morning.. i dun know... fingers lagging liaoz... cya

what started the new year?

2006-01-01T18:20:00.000+08:00

hey hey HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! hows did u celebrate?? had a stunning great time at Sentosa?? expo?? for at any of the other famous clubs?? well for me i was still at home at 12 am this morning... i was sick lor ever since the orientation.. how sad can that be...to usher in the new year sickly... was also very glad that eve called me out for coffee la.. at least had something to look forward to in the new year.. met her at Railmall.. thinking of having coffee, little i know that there was a change in plans.. we went to tanjong pagar lor.. to meet her frens.. trust me.. they are "havok" ar.. then went to maxwell road for supper.. i wanted to eat.. but my stomach was acting up.. so had to control.. then sent eve's cousin back. she is just so fun to be wif... then finally the plan came to pass.. we had coffee at Railmall wif darryl haha.. talked about almost everything... chilling out has always been one of my fave stuff to do.. went home at around 5.30am.. then collasped like a fallen log.. zzzzzzzz... woke up at 10am..wth... lucky went back to sleep lor... now i just woke up.. and the day has ended.. i am turning nocturnal liaoz... argh!!! blogging off...

have i been a good boy??

2005-12-22T21:39:00.000+08:00

Will santa bring me something nice this christmas.. or will my stockings be filled with coals.. argh!!! i been looking back into my life in this past year..i think i have been a bad bad boy... (-_-") ultimate sadness..but seriously i think i fulfilled lots of my stuffs in this past year..

1) i finished ARMY.....wooooo
2) i am studying..... WOOHOO
3) have great frens and family.. woooot

and many other things.. dun wanna bore u with all my stuffs..

but i have done pretty lots of disappointing things too .. so much so it off balances the good things that i done.. if my life was on a scale... the scale would even be able to stand.. that is how lob sided my life is... haiz.. now preparing my stuffs for my trip tomorrow.. man i would be very busy.. when i come back on tuesday.. still got orientation to settle... overnite somemore.. very very tired.. looking forward to starting a new sem for my studies.. i think i sleep more during my schooling days rather than holidays.. haha.. weird right.. haha... until the next time cya...

season to be jolly??

2005-12-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

this is the season to be jolly falalalala lalalala.. or is it?? haiz.. just had a BBQ a few days back.. wasn't exactly the best but was good enuff.. at least its wif frens whom i hold dear.. well xmas is around the corner... no $$$... was so paiseh.. got gift xchange but i think i forgot.. had to buy the next day... haha.. budget budget.. well managed to get them all something.. holidays holidays.. just have no idea why its during holidays that i feel so morbid... so sad... so depressed... so alone.. but what the heck.. i wont allow it to ruin my mood... i have been having fun so much that i nearly forgotten bout all the other stuffs in life.. but well when xmas approaches.. so does the new year.. i have given up on having resolutions... whats the point in making them if i never even fulfilled yet.. haiz.. haiz... well just to let my readers know..i wont be in singapore for xmas.. going back to hometown.. kinda missed malaysia.. dont worry i wont deprive singapore with my presence..i would be back for the rest of the days for xmas.. there are 12 remember.. haha... until then cya.. zhai jian

2005-12-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

life has been good... did reasonabily well for my exams.. haha.. one obstacle down.. many more to go... haiz.. not very encouraged aint i.. but well its the thrill of overcoming all odds that spices up my life.. i just like going through pain and hardships.. what cannot break me can only make me stronger.. haha... I LOVE PAIN!!! wait a min.. that made me sound sadistic.. i am not ok... i am just psyched from lots of things recently that made me cranky.. just finished a meaningful getaway with XA.. haiz.. too bad that XA have to be disbanded.. had lots of gr8 memories there.. other than that it has been pretty uneventful... had lots of thoughts during that chalet.. it has invoked within me alot of thoughts of my future.. so much so that i dun really look forward to the working life... i am afraid to step out of my comfort zone.. but i must otherwise i would just be stagnent.. i dun wanna be lukewarm.. haizz.. i am so bored.. looking forward to christmas and the orientation.. finally i can get to mess up my juniors.. haha.. let them know what a real orientation should be... FEAR ME!!! haha joking onli la.. i am Mr. Nice Guy.. well cya.. until the next time.. sayonara..

Goodness Gracious

2005-12-04T21:41:00.000+08:00

long time never blog liaoz.. how's it hanging?? well had a quite eventful two days.. yesterday went out shopping with mat, pansy, weed boy,siao zhar bo.. haha long time never see each other liaoz.. we were taking shots at each other's ego.. damn fun la... man i saw so many things that i wanted la.. but haiz.. limited financial capabilites.. i wan a new sunglass, so expensive.. i wan a beach shorts.. very ex too.. need a new handphone ( if u got kang tao plz contact me).. i wan a new mp3 player.. mine hung up on me liaoz.. (T_T) total cost of everything is around 1k.. who can buy me these stuff.. u would be my best fren.. lol.. today woke up late as per normal.. then my father's car had to break down.. mercs lousy ar.. change to BMW la.. spend $281 just for a bloody battery change.. haha.. lucky not my fault.. otherwise cry liaoz.. then played soccer wif my sec sch frens.. then had a "reunion" dinner.. we had a good time reliving the good times that we had for our sec sch.. if i could relive those days, i wont change any of my memories.. it was those days that made me the man i am today.. then something flashed across my mind today.. it was a saying that goes " ITS NOT WHO I KNOW, BUT WHO KNOWS ME THAT MATTERS.. "

oh my gosh

2005-11-28T21:16:00.000+08:00

haiz.. sorry.. havent been faithful in updating my blog.. but busy with stuffs that i forgotten about u.. sorry bloggie and blog readers.. now that i am back, it can only mean one thing "I AM BORED AGAIN!!" haha.. well now i am into this craze of playing majong in the arcade.. haha... its a good thing i can last a whole day there with less than 10 bucks... man thats even cheaper than a normal walk along orchard road.. haha.. haiz.. i have to take my driving lessons.. haiz.. so sianz... y must learn how to drive when i already know how to drive.. haizzzzz... haha.. sorry for the sighing.. but feeling sianz... oh something good has happened these few days... I AM OUT OF THE DEPRESSION STAGE LIAOZ... i am back to the cheery me.. haha.. and hey those close to me.. please remind me to work next holiday.. otheriwse i cannot take it anymore.. haha.. cya blog..

"sianz"ation

2005-11-23T01:32:00.000+08:00

Argh!!!!! so bloody bored... did absolutely nothing but sleeping the whole day.. although weather very nice.. haiz... wanted to go gym.. but alone very sianz.. no more bloody excuses.. should discipline myself.. but here comes a factor.. I GOT NO MONEY!!!!! haiz.. nothing much happened today... will try to make my next entry interesting.. make something happen... hehehe *rubs plam together + evil grin*

choices..

2005-11-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

life is like a box of chocolates... it is my choice to have it which ever way i want it.. sweet as white chocolates.. or bitter like a dark.. but at times i really dun wanna choose.. either way i lose something important in my life.. therefore one way or another i would be a loser.. now that i am enlightened.. the choice is now to choose from doing the right thing or doing what is easy.. the latter is mostly wrong.. so now in life.. do we always take the easy way out or doing the right thing?? but we do need to remember what we choose.. we need to prepare for the consequences..although the easy way looks enticing.. do remember that sometimes the most rewarding way is live through the tough times.. its the experience like these that builds character.. it may not be our choice on how to begin our lives, but it is our choice on how we live and how we end.. i have been doing a lot of soul searching recently.. i am glad that i have the opportunity to have these sessions with myself.. infact i never had times like these since i a can remember.. this has been quite an uneventful day.. so i shall end at this.. cya..

what can i do to make me happy??

2005-11-21T00:50:00.000+08:00

what is happiness?? what makes me tick?? what makes me smile.. this has been bogging down on my mind recently.. reason being i was asked this question "Whats ur purpose here?" so i sat down and think.. what is my purpose for being alive?? to achieve social status?? to achieve financial breakthru?? WHAT?? there were a few aims that i had hoped to achieve.. and they are in order of priority

1) financial - i want to make my 1st million by the age of 34.. why?? i have no idea.. i just have some business plans for myself after my degree.. haha.. doesnt hurt to plan for money.. who says money cant buy happiness..it helps the process.

2) companionship - well i have been a lonely guy long enough.. i shall stop kicking myself in the ass and get a move along in my life.. stop wallowing on the past and start scouting for potential targets.. haha.. i have always thought of settling down early in my life.. so probably around 28 or 30?? who knows.. haha..

3) family - its every guy dream to be able to have a family.. its a personal dream of mine to cradle my son when he's borne.. to be along side the woman that i love, at the moment that she is most beautiful.. to see my child grow up.. to be there for him.. to be there for the family..

well these are the 3 areas in my life, i was hoping and praying for a miracle to happen.. and as a saying goes "GOD ONLY HELPS THOSE WHO HELPS THEMSELVES.. so i better start planning for my future..
haiz.. these only happens when i am too bored.. i hate holidays.. true that they allow me to rest but it makes me think too much.. crapzzz.. btw.. the most important aspect in my life is confirmed to be happiness.. i am one to live to be happy.. i dun mind what others might say but as long as i am happy and content, others dun bother me.. haha.. better go sleep now.. lots of things to do tomorrow.. lalala.. zzzzz

am i ur hero??

2005-11-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

was listening to the song "hero" by enrique on a very long trip.. haiz... this is one song that has many sad memories.. really very sad.. initially it help happy memories.. but as the song came on.. tears were streaming down my face.. my face suddenly had rivulets of tears.. i am getting really weak from controlling my emotions.. story happened a year back.. i actually had wished that this song and along with another by bryam adams was going to be my wedding song.. it was like my life was moulded to the story of aa hong kong series.. where when one guy always expects the best in life.. then something dramatic happens in life that changes everything.. really everything.. haizzzz... as i remembered the lyrics..

Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?
Would you run, and never look back?
Would you cry, if you saw me crying? And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble, if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die, for the one you love? Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear, that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care... You're here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just wanna to hold you.
I just wanna to hold you. Oh yeah.

Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care... You're here, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero.

I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you, forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.
I can be your hero.

if u can remember the mtv where he got beaten up my a group of pple with the gal being held by the "bad guy".. i was feeling that scene.. i felt i was that guy being beaten up.. an emotional beating.. well.. i am just waiting for the day i can finally say to a gal " Can i be ur Hero?"

sick pansy

2005-11-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

haiz... poor little old me.. sick.. of all days.. haiz... coming down with a slight sore throat.. and having a dizzy spell just before i could even wake up.. damn sianz.. basically rested the whole day.. then went out to have dinner with parents.. then found out that I WUN BE IN SINGAPORE FOR XMAS.. so sianz.. will miss all the xmas parties and bashes.. argh
111 so sianz.. other than that busy sleepiung.. today is a good day.. no time to think about life.. but i think i will seriously grow damn fat during these holidays... haiz... well rather be fat than sad.. rite??

feelings confuses pansy

2005-11-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

today was a thinking day for me... as usual lazing around at home.. reflecting on my past, pondering on my future.. when i thought about the things that i should have or should not have done.. my temper flared today.. i felt extremely angry.. for what reasons i had no idea... then i always thought back of what my brother always said when someone pisses me off.. "I DUN CARE AND U DUN MATTER.." then darryl called me asking to go watch harry potter.. i must say that it was surprisingly good.. never was a potter fan.. but the gal has grown to be cute.. haha.. actually before the show began i was talking to darryl, he suddenly pop a question that took me off guard.. darryl, if u r reading.. no i still in the hurting stage.. HURTING OR PAIN IS THE ONLY WAY TO LET ME KNOW THAT I AM STILL ALIVE.. i was pretty bored on the way back home.. i had no idea where i got this bit, this came to me when i was dazing in the MRT.. it has to do with dreams.. I NEED TO HAVE A DREAM AND THIS DREAM HAS TO EXCITING ENOUGH TO DRIVE ME ON.. i hope that the people reading my blog would somehow or another cherish the people that are close to u.. esp ur loved ones.. dun end up like me.. i deserve i kick to my ass for not pursuing my dream.. and i dun wish for u to suffer a miserable life like mine.. cya..

Songs messes with heart isses

2005-11-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

haizzzzz... feeling damn sianz.. stuck at home whole day.. had absolutely nothing to do... basically i just slacked infront of tv... and reading other people's blogs... haiz... what am i supposed to do sia.. so bloody bored. lied own on my bed listening to my mp3s... i actually cried to a few of my songs.. heaven knows/一路向北/ only love... these are the songs that captured my feeling a few weeks back.. and after listening to these songs. i found out that i havent totally gotten over it yet... haizzz... what am i supposed to do..i feel so lost.. i thought i have gotten over it.. but somehow or another it still hurts within me.. man i need something to occupy my mind.. so that it oesnt wander off.. haiz...so sad...

Memories..

2005-11-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

human memories are complex.. what we know or believe will get faded and twisted in time to come.. what we can trust is the records that we have.. that is just so true.. was doing some reflecting on this sentence that i got from a movie.. not an exact quote but something along that line.. what can we derive from our memories?? how sure can we say that we are unbiased within our own mind.. true that we are entitled to out own thoughts but can make logical explanations from it?? i would not be just a memory quotes squall from FFVII:Advent Children.. why are we striving to make such an impact in others if not our own lifes.. another thing that i pondered upon today. the thought of being happy has now another meaning.. which mankes me being afraid of being happy.. coz knowing that being happy will sadden myself knowing that i would also be sad in some point in time.. haiz.. this happens when i have too much time and simply nothing to do.. blogging off liaoz before i think too much again..

Pain i love pain!!

2005-11-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

hiya.. taking a long time to blog down this... basically got quite a serious injury.. got kicked at the back of my sholder and hips today during soccer.. quite a bad end result.. now my left are is numbed.. can pull but cannot push.. nerve problem.. then my left hip is hurting like hell lor... haiz.. that usually happens when i dun protect myself..need a bodyguard for soccer.. haha i wish.. anyway today had a party over at my place for my father's birthday.. as usual this is a gr8 place to catch up wif my cousins.. most of them are still having exams.. i feel so liberated.. haha suck thumb lar shaun and boon.. well very sleepy from the day events.. blogging off laioz.. just still having lots on my mind.. very distracted recently.. so apologises in advance if i seem to be far far away, distant, distracted or TAU...

full of faith or just simple faithless

2005-11-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

hihi.. today as usual not really enjoying my holiday... why?? well imagine that u have been rushing ur life thru for the past 3 yrs or so.. then suddenly when 2 months have been handed to me to enjoy without obligations.. i feel so lost.. today was not as bored that i would have imagined.. left my house around 4 pm to head to clementi... i saw william there.. he just finished reservist briefing at my previous camp.. haha.. he ws playing virtual striker2.. i joined in and beat him.. weeeee.... man i gonna get my ass kicked in maplestory liaoz... lolz..then met up with my church frens.. had cell with them.. today topic was on faith.. what was faith.. in my opinion.. FAITH is doing something beyond my needs and knowing that it would happen.. i immediately thought of my situation less than 1 month ago..would i have succeed if i had faith.. or it was for a lost cause.. well.. what can i do.. no use crying over spilled milk.. can only be contended that no hard feelings were formed and hopefully we are back as we were.. this cell had me thinking.. where have i put my faith in my times of need.. well blogging off liaoz.. untill next time cya

i am all apologies

2005-11-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

sorry to those for read my blog everyday.. didnt cr8 an entry yesterday.. simply wasnt in the mood of doing anything.. today i stayed home.. staying home during a holiday.. haiz.. no life mar.. what to do.. well nothing much happened to day except for lots of mapling.. wanted to sun tan today.. but somehow or another... the sun is avoiding me.. or am i avoiding the sun... must be the sun lar.. haha.. can wait to play tennis.. haha.. cya..

END of one worry, start of the other

2005-11-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

finally.. the exams are finally over... didnt do that well but who cares right?? decided not to care too much of things that i have no control over... i have absolutely have no control over anything in my life... i gonna be a very poor man coming next sem.. entered the exam hall.. feeling was like a cow going thru a slaughter house... its like doom is creeping up to u slowly facing u.. knowing that it would come and swallow u whole.. i screwed up the exams.. all the info that i crammed the night before... poof... lost in wind.. but celebration of end of exams was good... had nydc and watched a action flick "TOM YUM GOONG".. came to a conclusion.. never mess witha thai elephant.. broken bones is bound to surface.. had a very lonely ride back to home.. thinking about lots of stuff.. apparently i have beendoing lots of thinking... which is so not me... i usually act, i dun really like the concept of thinking.. i am a passionate person.. i act with my heart.. not with the mind... what changed me?? someone?? something?? well someone told me this "Dun live ur life in self-wallow or self pity, cos u are not going to get any.. which was so true... now that exams are over... let me now worry about living my life... something i havent been doing since army started... until the next time... cya..

depression period..

2005-11-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

i hate this feeling.. here i am, lying down on my bed.. thinking of how my life is now... many things have happened in the past 3 months... yar... go tstudies... didnt really see myself studying after army... was a slacker in Poly.. never saw myself trying to perform in uni.. never saw a need to excel in studies.. what has happened to me?? what changed me?? LOVE?? not likely.. its a feeling that has been very alienated from me.. there was never a need for achievement until now.. recently i have been looking at the advertisements at the busstops.. DEPRESSION... i actually swee myself in it... not a good thing.. i never saw myself as depressing or am i just putting up a show to lie to myself.. i dun recognise the reflection i see in the mirror anymore.. that is not Jonathan... that is just someone else putting on Jonathan's skin.. friends tell me that i am a positive guy, always smiling, always cracking jokes.. they just dont know that this is a facet of my persona.. i m not what u perceive i am.. why am i thinking about this?? i really have no idea.. not a clue... all i just know that i need companionship.. i need someone intimate, someone whom i can hold hands with, to talk about all my stuffs, to share my life with, thru the goods and bads, the ups and downs in life.. someone who would take me as i am..someone who enjoys long walk along beaches, lying down in the sand and appreciating stars.. the simple things in life.. but that was not meant to be... i am like a wolf.. alone.. onely.. standing alone staring into the sky.. howling his lungs out to anyone who gives a damn about this insignificant speck.. a sorry reason for being a loser in life.. GOD, if u are listening to my prayers.. u know how i yearn, how i thirst, how i hunger for the fulfilment of my needs.. blogging off now..

Examination's End, Life's Beginning

2005-11-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

oh yes.. i can feel it.. the end of exams is reaching.. i can sense it.. it will happen very very soon..*rubs plam together* sorry man.. too stressed from OB..anyway today decided to go for full day studying, yup jonathan does study too u know..fruitful day of studying. basically nothing much happened.. studying, listening to mtv and slacking at the same time.. a very uneventful day.. maybe the day highlights was me going for lunch and as usual jaywalking.. nearly was knocked down by a speeding integra.. wasnt looking at traffic.. thinking of stuffs.. and yar... i am still safe and sound.. still in one piece.. now just waiting for the man u vs chelsea match..zzzzz so sleepy... quote of the day "i am not trying to study, i AM studying!!"

am i significant??

2005-11-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

haiz... today i felt the "bad day itch".. knew that today was going to be a bad day... was it?? well here goes... woke up to study... very very grouchy.. waited for miss wee sianz.. she forgotten to message me that i was late.. haiz.. but quite used to it..then met up wif georgie and she gave us a rid down to davin;s place.. had to break into his house to wake him up... didnt know matt was a part time loan shark... knocked on the window of davin;s bedroom saying "wake up, owe money pay money" in chinese somemore... pengz.. then we managed to get into he house... imagine that we slacked in bhis house for nearly 1.5 hours without studying.. haiz.. went for lunch and had to sit in the sun... ARGH!!!!!.. waited for the food somemore... waited for nearly 15 mins in the sun.. felt like a roast lar.. well we studied, could get much in as it was too quiet.. turn on the tv and switched to MTV... then was reprimanded that i was distracting the rest.. haiz... everything i did or was thinking of doing is going and went wrong... so sad.. didnt feel like doing anything at all.. but somehow managed to cover 6 chpters for OB... happiness.. went to chomp chomp for dinner... had the biggest glass of sugar cane juice... felt very bloated.. hitched a ride from georgie and headed home where as usual, no one ws home... i feel so detached and alone.. both at home and outside... am i suffering of depression... u tell me.. "Its not how i feel that counts, it how people feels about me that counts."

Softer Side explored...

2005-11-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

well.. early this morning, at 2 am i am still up helping davin with his accounting... and yep he stayed over... was quite funny actually we seriously studying and mapling at the same time.. well yar.. i slept at around 3 in the morning and i assume that davin also slept around that time.. but it seems that something was bothering him.. well at 7.30 am i had to wake up and prepare for school.. the entertaining part was waking davin up and see his early morning antics.. he is like a cols engine taking a long time to start up.. left house at 8 am to go to school.. i didnt really want to go so early but yar.. "officer" wanted to cram in some theories so i just tagged along.. i felt so prepared for the paper, till i was complacent.. i entered the hall thinking that i will score.. but was put down when i saw the paper.. "Houston? We have a problem"... i actually panicked.. i was like shit... so i just finished the paper and as per normal i left earlier.. when i came out, i was like "WTH, why i panicked and flustered... haiz!!" then when the exam was over, there was a mixture of emotions that came flooding out of the hall... it gushed out like river nile..happiness, relief, sadness and even tears were all out.. one of my close frens cried coming out of the hall.. and the thing was, i felt responsible, i felt that i didnt do a good job teaching her.. SORRY.. tried very hard to comfort her.. it was when that happened that i knew that in life no matter how strong we look or put up a front, we are afterall soft and human inside.. Quote of the day "Whats the purpose of falling? To climb up and succeed once more"

a holiday like no other

2005-11-03T22:33:00.000+08:00

for the first time in a long long long time, i woke up late in the morning... although its like 9 am but i got like 2 hours more of sleep.. everything was good.. decided not to go study.. wanted to spend time wif family, but haiz... little i knew that everyone had their own plans.. so a bit sad... so to shaw tower i went. and as usual they were already there mugging the books.. i was very distracted and had to take a break around 3 plus.. went to my friends place nearby for a chat.. for 1 hour then i headed back to study.. was quite productive though. covered 3 chapters for OB.. but somehow i feel very detached from the group.. i just dun feel the friendliness from before.. maybe they are all stressed?? maybe they are bored of me liaoz... i mean that i have this 'thing' that people will get bored with me after sometime.. i wonder is this the time?? will i be the natural loner once more... the lone wolf that stands by himself howling towards the moon.. will i be alone for the rest of my studies... only heaven knows.. Quote of the day: "You cant kill my dreams, but my dreams can kill you."

life thru the eyes of pansy

2005-11-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

crappp... today was like any other day.. started out my day being happy.. had a happy dream.. doing what i like best... listening to mtv for 1 hour b4 my mind actually kicks in and say the day has started.. was thinking of slacking and then heading to school at 1130... little i knew at 1129 when i was near school... a call came.. someone once close to me gave me a call for lunch.. so well i decided that there wont be any harm meeting this person for lunch.. we met up and had lunch.. it was one of the quietest lunch i had.. and the most boring one actually.. so i was like so bored till had to leave for studying wif the pansies.. so i decided to be an asshole and just leave without saying anything.. i mean if i was there not saying anything for nearly 40 mins.. i figured that me leaving silently wont be much of a difference.. and well i managed to force out a 'goodbye' from my golden mouth.. then i headed to school, feeling so bad for being such an ass.. i actualy turned back to apologise.. well still was the weirdest feeling to walk to and from SIM and NP , NP to SIM, SIM to NP and NP back to SIM in the span of less than 1 hr.. that is like what i walk for a week lor... headed to discussion room, heard everyone talking then i opened the door.. funny thing was that when i stepped in everyone suddenly quieten down.. i was thinking like "Shit, what i do now, or was it something that i didnt do? Think back..." then i just sat down mugging my books.. felt kinda weird when 1 left the room, the rest also left.. was actually alone in the discussion room for more than 30 mins.. felt sad and left out.. then i found out that it wasnt me, it was someone else..then from then on the day has been uneventful.. till i reached home.. had a dinner wif my parents...(it has never happened for a long long time).. and now blogging this down.. man i am bored.. feel so depressed that so many stuffs is happening and i have absolutely no control of it in my likfe... ARGH!!! and yar.. today's quote of the day "ITS NOT WHO U R INSIDE, BUT WHAT U DO THAT DETERMINES WHO U R" bruce wayne(batman returns)

Pansy's Rough Holiday

2005-11-01T22:45:00.000+08:00

haizzzzz... holidays are just a time where time suddenly stops and u dont know whether issit a weekend or weekday.. anyway day started out around 7 PLUS in thr morning... imagine waking up so early in the morning on a holiday.. that gotta suck.. joined my parents for a breakfast... waited for 1/2 hour for my char siew mee.. IRRITATED!! knew that it was going to be a bad day where nothing good is gonna happen.. but well go wif the flow..so i went back home to slack for a while, packed my bag to head out with the grp for studies... as usual at shaw towers... hmmm... discovered a terrible habit that we have... we always say to meet at 11.. but we only start studying aroun 1 plus 2... haiz... must change liaoz.. had to go one on one with the accounting one.. hated this subject since sec sch.. never got it right anyway.. started studying at 2 then had to fetch our "HORLAND QUEEN" from bugis.. always lost.. haha..anyway today was very surprisingly productive and was glad that i could study.. however there was a slight incident that irritated me today.. patience really worn out when i tried to teach.. goes to show that i would never make it as a teacher..but other than that it was quite fruitful... decided to go suntec for food... poor matty, grounded cant join us.. haha.. well went to marche to makan.. had a crappy good time there... i knew that darryl and i were funny people.. but never expect miss yeo to laugh till she cried.. imagine joke being told everyone but her laughs.. then 5 secs later she laughs really loud.. then we carried on till she could not take it anymore.. she cried... WE ARE THAT DAMN GOOD.. proceeded to pay then comes QUOTE OF THE DAY "William, how much was ur sausage?" i couldnt stop laughing.. today wasnt that bad after all.. then carried on to millenia walk to find a place to study.. passed a few of my soccer and secondary school frens.... haha.. holiday go out never jio me.. haiz... proceeded home uneventfully... thank goodness.. well basically this is life thru the eyes of a PANSY.. heres me signing off... nitez

Pansy's 1st bloggie

2005-10-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

haiz... i always thought of blogging as a total waste of time.. i promised myself that i would never start a blog.. Basically i just read other's people blog and think to myself "Haha this bunch of loser has no frens to talk to"..But after several events recently happened in my life, i felt that i just needed to blog it down .. To show others how my life sux.. bloggers, i feel what u go thru, i understand what u feel..

Well here goes my first blog.. hope u enjoy reading about my life as well as i enjoy living it out for u..

waking up has been the 1st mistake that happened... was really lacking of sleep liaoz.. but noooooooo. big brother of mine just had wake me up with "BATMAN BEGINS" he blasted the surround system.. i was having a nice dream cant really remember it). Well since was up might as well watch the show.. left the house at aroun 1130 to meet fren... haiz... he professsional pilot liaoz... put me aeroplane.. waited in the bloody hot sun.. u owe me one if u are reading.. then had to go to school to study with my "Pansy grp" haha... then went for lunch at around 3pm with geo,matt and darryl.. haha... i never had a proper lunch with the group esp with matt or yeo around.. QUOTE OF THE DAY : "REMEMBER DONT RUB URSELF HOR".. yup it was shocking.. she said it out on the phone.. i was speechless.. then headed back to school.. carried on studying but was bothered with a very unsettling feeling... sorta like a spidey sense thingy, just that mine was pansy sense.. and yar.. talked to the "lion" bout it and i am not the only one... my problems actually started a few months back (a story for another time).. went home for dinner and has been uneventful since then..well blogging off now.. seriously quite tired of slugging out with life.. just go with the flow...